Why, Hello Spring.

Moments of weariness 

All drain away

As I watch with excitement 

This glorious change

A field of joy

And lilies divine

My colour of freedom

Splayed all throughout 

This beautiful sky

A beautiful blue

No longer silent and grey

No longer a shadow

Hiding from day

No, for out pours this rain

A sweet, pretty rain

With such a lovely fragrance

Of a glorious spring

You cannot, you will not 

Ever stop spring

For after rain

Comes to colour

And my sweet lilies

You cannot

You will not

Ever stop spring

Travel light Darling, 

Smile bright, cause golly it's how you smile

Inspiration from Song of Solomon 2:11-14

Goodbye. Goodbye, You Little Lie.

Beauty

Beauty like a sunshine ray

Oh please follow as I run

For I run 

Yes, I run now

Into this spring

Where sunshine meets memouries

The ones which run so deep

An ugly past, you say

Yes, maybe, but with a depth, you see

You missed the part about redemption

When you began to come haunt me

The moment where my life, my past, and my Redeemer collided

The moment where I met His eyes

And have found

A simplicity in freedom

So goodbye, goodbye 

You little lie

Memouries no longer surrounding, 

Holding me down

Yet pressing through

And screaming the word shine

For as scars they must now shine

Shine.

I run, run along now

Through this sweet melody

Hello. Hello.

My sunshine ray

Goodbye. Goodbye 

You little lie.

Only speak redemption, Darling

For this now is all you hold.

 - when I recognized the lies the enemy was speaking to me, and the actual truth that I am free.

For You My Love.

Weary beyond explanation

Truly tired of placing those Expectations

Longing to soar in the colours of our dreams

Just letting love exist, instead of holding it down

I treated you as though you left me

Though you always stayed right here

I treated you as though you'd changed 

Yet you always remained the same

I treated you in what I thought to be truth

Yet before my eyes your true heart stood

I treated you in disbelief of what you'd spoken to me

And saw your eyes as you took it in,

Which is something I never want to see

I spoke to you with piercing words

And you decided to stay

You continue to amaze me

You have captured my heart

This I know will never change

In those seasons

Where the storms seem to stay 

I know that we can make this

And fight, for it's only rain

"Ash beneath,

Rain above

Such pretty rain

Through all old pain"

So now I run into this change

Into this season ahead

With no expectations, 

Only love

I know you and trust you my love

You're here to stay

Run along, Darling

Don't look back

For truth is to behold

Run along in this love

Fear not, fear nothing

Simply trust

For I am weary of holding onto nothing

You never turned away

You never changed

You never looked away from this dream

The very thing I long for I fear the most

Yet I know in my weakness He is made strong

Words

Words

Words

Please, no more

No longer mere speaking

I'm tired of no action

For what I long to say

Is much deeper than words

- I wrote this in regards to my lack of trust and my fatalistic mindset. I always believed the worst would come. In my relationship with Ted, he kept showing me he is here to stay, yet I believed it was too good to be true. I have grown a lot since then.

How Can I Thank You.

The most exciting news

Did reach my ears

The love of my Healer

Raise your eyes to the sky

Hands held high

Capture the moment, Darling

Hold it tight

Never look back now

Yes, just go ahead

Where the lilies are singing now

No longer dead

Even as I sat wondering 

You still remained

Even when I was unfaithful

You stayed the same

Even as I began to fear

You called my name

You spoke into this heart, God

A word called hope

Gave me a dream with a vision

And said the word, "go"

I cannot contain how I feel

This is all so surreal

Not like anything I have ever known

You love me for me

You call me Beloved

You love me as me

Golly, how can I ever say thank You

Even if I were to shout it

Everyday with arms held high

It could never thank You enough

I must l i v e

Dream continue on now

Toward my feet again

And Sweet Jesus, my Lover

...

This is why I exist.

-I wrote this when I was told I was no longer sick and I still believe that God healed me completely. 

Blind to Identity.

I tried to read the colours in Your eyes

That's when I realized I'm blind

Blind to your smile for me

Seeing only what I choose to see

Not because I do not want this

I trust You, just not myself

I long to be who I am in You

I will be

Vaguely I remember, all You've done in me

For old lies overshadow, who I know I'm meant to be

I can see it, yes, even more that ever before

I need to believe it, not just know

You love me for me

Though I cannot understand 

Your love is surreal

Yet it touches me

Open my eyes

To see the colours in Your eyes

Specifically for me

The colours of love

Calling me beauty divine

-Since December of '05 God  has been speaking to me about who I am in Him. I still have a hard sometimes grasping this completely.

Colour of Rain.

Dressed in no colour

Melody of pain

Captured by the fear of

What she'll lose today

Though I walk in silence

I can see your face

It's when I cry

You let me cry

You draw me close to you

It's when I laugh

I sense your smile

There's no one else like you

Dressed in no colour 

Melody the same

Still captured by the fear of 

What she'll lose again

Though I walk in silence

I can see your face

. . .

Melody please change

To the colour of the rays

Of such pretty rain

Through all old pain

Travel light Darling, smile bright

Cause golly it's how you smile

Written summer of '05 - a song I wrote for my creative presentation in my DTS.

For Dawn Do I wait.

Somedays I wonder

Why healing doesn't come 

With the snap of my fingers

Somedays it's the lesson

Moments of weariness

Broken into nothing

Remain there Darling, 

For there your hope lies

Yes, in this state

Where hope will reach

Your weary heart

The very moment

When all else seems to fail

When you begin to fade

Into the colour of despair

Yes, there is where hope comes

I see it now

Flying in majestic colours

Singing, breathing life

A wind of healing

- I wrote this after struggling through the process of healing, questioning my my healing had to be a process. I read this verse, and it brought me hope; "Weeping may remain for a night, But rejoicing comes in the morning." Psalm 30:5b

Ash Beneath, Rain Above.

White and black 

To gray

Please Jesus please

It burns

Ashes lie to pain

No more

Owned to disown

Thrown away

Deep stains tend to remain

A cry 

A longing

A piercing 

A tear does fall

Even now.

Cry to die

Die to hide

Hide to find

Oh what a find, everything

Dark beneath all else

Thought to be lost

Yet remains

Fade, please fade

To the nothingness 

Distasteful taste

Now we're face to face

Erase, yes now erase

And rather bland now

Wouldn't you say?

Old to new

New to all beauty divine

This is really something

A taste with colour

Something quite rare

A cry falls to the floor

C r a s h i n g down

Down there

No more, Darling, no more

Die to self

Self to rise

No more falling, only rise

Up to colour, oh shine

Where the lilies smile

A field with beauty divine

Ash beneath 

Rain above

Such pretty rain

Such pretty rain

Such pretty rain

You're here to stay

Don't delay

Don't hesitate

Run, oh and dance

Through all beauty

Don't rush, no, please take your time.

 - I can go through quite the array of emotions! I was torn. I had moments of intense fear and moments of complete trust. This was a moment of fear changing into a moment of trust.

Something More.

It hurts to be held back

Pressed down

Longing for something that can't be found

Living each day; waiting

Yet ever breaking

My soul aching

Crying out to be found

Who am I anymore

What defines me

The past underlying it all

Overtaking, the fear breaking

All of the changes inside

Yet who am I to hide

Come in the wind that surrounds me

Cover me in your ever hope

Cause I'm lost, so confused God

Here I am down on my knees

Crying out to be found

Written immediately after returning home from my DTS December '05 - I still felt trapped, like my past defined who I was still, that it under lie my ever decision and movement, and I feared immensely after I returned back home.

Overcome.

I run along in this storm

As I have many times before

Most times confused, and seemingly torn

For this reminds me of the things of old

My past.

I've run here many times now

In this storm I once thought to be chaos

Yet I knew in my heart

There must be something more

Than wallowing in this fear and self pity

In this storm I can see nothing

No colour, no.

My eyes behold no such thing

Yet I can taste the rain

I can taste the truth now

Though it remains unseen

Though I cannot touch it

I can feel it, surrounding me

Even now as I write

Capturing my breath, with each breeze

A new colour surrounds me now, 

The colour that lay here during each storm

Buried in the dust beneath my feet

Where I stood for so long, longing to be free

Dreaming of a freedom so sweet

Yet since I could not see

I thought I could not taste

Therefore I did not taste of it's goodness

Though I could have, 

Yes all along it was beneath me

Longing to be stirred

Times in these storms I did feel this colour

I sometimes could feel it begin to stir

But each time in fear, I quenched

The very hope I now hold so dear

Come with the wind that surrounds me

A healing colour divine

Walk in this storm, Darling

Taste of its rain

Lift up your head to sing again

Walk in the wind that surrounds you

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death

I will fear no evil

For you are with me

Period.

You have overcome,

I am in You, therefore

I have overcome

 - This can really only make sense to me, but I wrote this after reading John 16:33 " These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world." 

Colour of Love.

It's moments like this

When I feel such peace

Knowing that you love me

Believing that it's true

Even moments of our silence 

I know in my heart you are here

Though I cannot grasp why

How wide, or how high

How deep, or how far

I've come to realize

I don't need to 

All I need to do is accept

This colour of love

Period.

You spoke into the darkness

To call my by name

You quickened my heart

With a glance of your eyes

And I know without a doubt

Ill never look back

For now I have experienced these colours

I shall never be the same

I accept this.

I love this.

-Again in regards of me finding who I am in Christ; His love for me.